---
title: "No More Circular \"Training\" Please"
description: Demand better training! Learn why circular guidance fails, how to build real rapport, and what to ask from trainers to ensure actionable results.
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---

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 January 29, 2025

# No More Circular "Training" Please

![Picture of Thomas B. Cox](https://bestboss.biz/hs-fs/hubfs/thomas%20speaking%20action%20lugano-1.jpg?width=50&name=thomas%20speaking%20action%20lugano-1.jpg) By  [Thomas B. Cox](https://bestboss.biz/blog/author/thomas-b-cox)  ·   2 minute read

### I'm So Tired of Circular "Training"

Sales trainer says, "You have to establish rapport."

Great. How do I establish rapport?

Trainer says, "By being human. Do whatever you need to do, to come into that conversation with a positive mindset and a can-do attitude."

Pause with me as we unpack how useless this is.

When I already know what to do, the advice to "do whatever you need to do" could work for me. But this is not training. This is reminding.

And I can't count how many times I've had people try to sell me (or lead me, or convince me, or...), full of positive mindset and a can-do attitude, and left me feeling utterly unheard.

Zero rapport achieved.

So the guidance above fails twice — it doesn't train, it only reminds. And when applied, it doesn't work reliably.

Here’s the issue: if you're going to "train" someone, you have to take them from knowing *nothing* (or whatever their current state is) to at least a basic ability to perform. Anything less isn’t training; it’s just hand-waving.

This is where my neurodivergence has been a gift. It makes vague, unhelpful training feel unbearable—it makes my skin crawl. So I’ve learned to demand more: more clarity, more actionability, more accessibility—from trainers, and from myself as a trainer. I hope you’ll demand the same. Don’t settle for circular language or empty reminders when you (or your students) need step-by-step, detailed training—preferably with practice and role-playing.

So, let’s talk about rapport. What actually works? Here’s my three-step process:

### Building Rapport That Works

1. **Get Calm and Curious**  
   Before your conversation, shift yourself into a calm and curious frame of mind. Mindfulness exercises can help you let go of any agenda other than truly hearing the other person and championing them to become their best self. (Yes, I teach this.)
2. **Use Your Mirror Neurons**  
   Let yourself feel whatever emotions the other person is sharing. Let your facial expressions, tone, and body language mirror their emotions—sadness, frustration, excitement, or disappointment. Use words and vocalizations to validate their meaning. (This, too, is teachable, as is Stern's Scale of Attuned Responses—a useful framework for understanding how to voice empathy.)
3. **Guide Toward the Future**  
   Help them articulate a positive vision for their future. Use Clean Language to let them explore their goals in their own words. Then, guide the conversation toward what they want to achieve. (Boyatzis's work on positive visioning is an excellent foundation here.)

Bingo. Rapport, in three not-so-easy steps. But here’s the thing: it *works.*

### Why Do We Tolerate Useless "Training?"

Why do we put up with circular “training” that doesn’t actually help anyone—except maybe those who just needed a reminder? Here’s my take:

1. **It Feels Good (Momentarily):**  
   Circular statements like “be human” or “have a can-do attitude” seem to make sense at first. Our brains get a small dopamine hit from the illusion of learning something, even when what we’ve heard lacks any real actionability.
2. **It Protects Our Ego:**  
   When we realize we’re still lost, the trainer has already moved on, and admitting confusion feels embarrassing. So, we assume the problem is us. “I must be too dumb to get it," we think. And instead of questioning the trainer or the training, we blame ourselves.

### You Deserve Better

**Please stop blaming yourself.** You deserve better than useless training. You deserve trainers who:

- Meet you where you are—no matter how little you know at the start.
- Patiently guide you over every barrier.
- Define every term.
- Train and role-play every micro-skill you need to succeed.

We do exist. And we’re here to help you not only learn but thrive.

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