Listening to Karla McLaren and Positive Intelligence (PQ)
Short take: Emotions are data and energy. In PQ, our Saboteurs distort that data; our Sage listens and responds accordingly. Karla McLaren tells us each emotion’s job. When we work with the purposes of sadness or grief, we can heal and move on.
McLaren: sadness helps us let go of what it's time to let go of. Sadness asks, “What must be released, so I can rest and be renewed?”
My take: when it’s time to let something go—a role, a plan, a season, an outdated goal—sadness turns us inward so we can thank it and release it. If we block that inward movement, or block our tears, the feeling rots in us. If we allow ourselves to feel it, it flows into quiet ease.
Language - say: “This is hard. I’m here.” Not “Don’t be sad.”
PQ move: a few PQ reps to become fully present, then ask McLaren’s question above. When sadness comes, feel it in your body. Let it be. Notice its location, its sensations, if it has a size or a shape. Notice if it moves. Breathe into that sensation.
McLaren: grief is for irretrievable loss. It asks for witness, rituals of mourning, and community. It does not care about your timeline.
My take: grief is the work of “not yet ready—but forced to let go anyway.” So, rage, remember, weep, hold each other. Do not tidy it up. Do not stuff it down.
Language - say: “Tell me about him. I’ll stay as long as you need.” Not “It was her time.”
PQ move: Empathize with yourself first, then with others. Let the body shake and the tears come. When the latest wave of grief eases, ask, “What needs honoring?” and “Who do I need with me?”
Name it precisely. Is this sadness (letting go) or grief (mourning) or something else? Use the Wheel of Emotion (at bottom) to find the right name. Naming matters.
Ask the right question:
Sadness: “What is it right to let go of?”
Grief: “What must be remembered and honored?”
Make a small ritual. Write a goodbye note. Light a candle. Share a story.
Use Self‑Command to stay present—breathe into bodily sensations. Touch a surface and feel it. Look in someone's eyes and see the patterns of their irises.
Take one next step from Sage: call a friend, take a slow walk, schedule a remembrance.
Don’t fix; witness. Make room in 1:1s and team moments for people to feel what they feel. If you would let your people celebrate a victory, then make room to honor a loss.
Model Clean Language and simple rituals (a few minutes to name a loss, a shared memory, or a moment of quiet).
Protect the pacing. Sadness needs time for letting go; grief needs time to be held. Productivity returns faster when you don’t rush.
Sadness is about letting go of what’s complete. Grief mourns what can’t return. Treated with respect—McLaren’s questions plus PQ’s Self‑Command and Sage Powers—both become wise guides that lead us back, soon enough, to equanimity, to wholeness, and a return to life and work.
PS: Sadness and grief are not saboteurs. Saboteurs would judge someone's sadness or grief, would label it bad or wrong, would rush it, or dwell on it, or blame it on someone.